i've decided my posts have all been a little morbid as of late, so i shall try and lighten the mood (especially as i might actually have some readers now - hi sister!). exams are fast approaching, however and all i want to do is burrow into my bed and resurface in three weeks, conviniently in time for my 18th birthday - THREE WEEKS today. i'm more excited than i care to admit - there's something immensely unattractive about someone who harps continously about their impending birthday. (BUT NO REALLY I AM SO EXCITED!!!).

actually, i'd quite like to resurface a tiny bit earlier, in time for prom (and rachel's birthday of course). i have finally found a dress! i love it to pieces - it hugs and skims all the right places (i think...i hope!) and am waiting impatiently for it arrive.

oh, and i really miss R :'(

yesterday, suddenly, my eyes were finally opened and i could see myself for what i was. for what i am!! i am gargantum! my body has fallen to pieces and expanded, grown sidewides! i feel repulsive! how am i supposed to "flaunt my thighs" in two months when i look like this?
so. i exercised yesterday, and now my muscles are moaning and groaning! a good thing tho. and a new diet! no white carbs, no sugar, barely any dairy!
i don't know. i just want to cry and throw up everytime i look in the mirror.

i am just so angry! and tired ALL THE TIME. without any exception! everysingle day is plagued with bouts and lengths of frustration and inate lethargy. my solution to anything and everything, it would appear, is to sink into a fitful slumber which only seems to increase my feelings of antipathy rather than dissipating them.
i wake up grouchy and grumpy.

i want the next two months to fast-forward like a video-casseste, blurry, whirring and with undistinguishable images tripping over then last and next frames. i don't want to remember at all! i wont miss the memories...
god, this is all so depressing