yesterday, suddenly, my eyes were finally opened and i could see myself for what i was. for what i am!! i am gargantum! my body has fallen to pieces and expanded, grown sidewides! i feel repulsive! how am i supposed to "flaunt my thighs" in two months when i look like this?
so. i exercised yesterday, and now my muscles are moaning and groaning! a good thing tho. and a new diet! no white carbs, no sugar, barely any dairy!
i don't know. i just want to cry and throw up everytime i look in the mirror.

i am just so angry! and tired ALL THE TIME. without any exception! everysingle day is plagued with bouts and lengths of frustration and inate lethargy. my solution to anything and everything, it would appear, is to sink into a fitful slumber which only seems to increase my feelings of antipathy rather than dissipating them.
i wake up grouchy and grumpy.

i want the next two months to fast-forward like a video-casseste, blurry, whirring and with undistinguishable images tripping over then last and next frames. i don't want to remember at all! i wont miss the memories...
god, this is all so depressing

so, darkness has fastened its velvet cloak over the world, and yet here i am! 3am, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. to an extent.
my fingers are itching with words, but my eyes are itching with sleep! to which part of my body shall i succumb? i so desperately want it to be the latter, but the former must be vented otherwise
there will be "cuffs round the head", to quote!

today was an awful day. tears were shed, marks were made! it shud be SHITday, not SUNday.

....i miss drawing. and i miss him!