(still wishing for...!)


mini girl does dream of owning a mini mayfair in britsih racing green with little wheels and little seats, and little pedals which her feet can reach and then with smiles, she wud drive for miles till she cud drive no more cause she dropped right off the edge of the world's big blue floor.

i'm not quite sure in which direction this blog is heading - i think it might be trundling towards a full circle, curving back to where it began.
im craving substance!

anyway, having always had an afinity for lists (and an aversion to capital letters, you may have noticed), claire & i constructed lists while in tarragona (another post, friends) for our goals for summer. i know that one can't dictate one's life - or rather one shouldn't - there is just an irresitable attraction in occasionally arranging life into distinct little piles, even if they are then immediantly then muddled.

#1 have an utterly, devastingly romantic experience (with raymond, obvs)
#2 take a risk
#3 get into university
#4 start making/designing clothes again
#5 get perfect skin
#6 start writing again
#7 and subsequently, make a mini-book of poems and drawings
#8 become a waterbaby (drinksa lotsa the stuff)
# 9 laugh everysingle day
#10 love, see and appreciate my friends
#11 become reacquainted with my manual SLR camera..!

Boi Meets Girl.
today was wet and grey and reminded me of the day when raindrops bled down my train window and you just came and sat down in the seat next to mine without even murmuring a "hi". instead your hand brushed my thigh and you turned to stare into my eyes just to get my reaction. my pupils went fat and my eyes turned black and I know you saw the storm brewing behind my glazed green sheen. i watched the comically creased skin by your mouth as your hand moved south and grabbed hold of my mine. i remember how your hands closed round my entire fist and how your fingers snaked themselves round my wrist as you blew hot air into my ears. i didn't utter a single word but I don't think you would have heard anyway because you were too busy losing yourself in me. as you drank up every single inch of my skin your gaze felt like three thousand pins stabbing at my entire body. i felt so vulnerable. finally you spoke, and your voice evoked every kind of shiver down my spine. deep and slow, with underlying tones of sweet syrupy honey combined with rolling thunder. "nice legs," you said, whipping up your hands and framing my head with your long deft fingers. "what time do they open?" i stared at you aghast; until several moments had passed then my face slipped and broke into smiles. you laughed into my throat and put both our hands into the darkness of your tweed coat exactly as if you were trying to take a part of me away with you. "who are you?" i wondered and then you read my thoughts and replied out loud,
"i am a boy who is capable of all sorts," to which i replied,
"what, even magick?" and here was when you made a face just short of tragic and announced miserably,
"no." then with a twinkle in your periwinkle blue eyes you screamed, "I LIE. I MAKE MAGICK MORE OFTEN THAN I BREATHE." and you began to weave clandestine words deep into my hair till they got tangled and the spell was distorted and mangled but it didn't matter 'cause it had been cast and we were moving so fast the world was just a colourless blur around you and me. I saw your questions appear in the air,
"i am a girl who is of a very rare and special kind," i answered,
"yes, I've realised - you can read my mind." you nodded. "but did you read this?" and with that you gave me a kiss. as you covered my lips with yours, time paused and we both savoured the moment we fell in love.the train ground to a halt and we both stood up, you way above my little height of five foot and a half at six foot two and you simply stated "are you having a laugh? you're too tiny for me." so i buried my face into your chest till i couldn't see and you wrapped your hands round my waist and tilted my head up so you could taste me and i could taste you. "fuck this," you said and gathered me into your arms and right then and there i felt the safest i had ever felt as if no harm could come to me. you hopped off out the metal machine with me firmly nestled in your elbows."where in the world haven't you been?" you asked, searching for the answer amongst my green irises splintered with brutish golden flecks. i dithered and dathered, and finally i knew,"i haven't been anywhere at all in the world with you.""i'll show you the world," you cried, and i almost died with the intense pleasure racking up my spine. "i'll show you the world," you repeated, "because i am yours and you are mine."

i wish i could still write like that.

WARNING: picture heavy post.
cause y'know, urges to share much loved photos at 2.30am is completely ordinary.

ps.
how amazing and just beautiful are my best friends?
the exotic looking child is Rachel (she just started a blog actually, it's very artistic and completely unsuperficial unlike mine, AHEM - http://www.dollyboy.blogspot.com/) and i love her to pieces. a last minute chance of circumstance means that she is unable to come to Benicassim; its actually the worst news i could have all summer. i was so looking forward to having our first holiday together and mocking those with moustaches and a defecit in waist/hip definiation (barrel syndrom anyone?)!
the other gorgeous creature child, the one in the black & white webcam photos is Claire - she is the one who abandoned me to go interrailing round Europe. she is back, FINALLY, and after forcing her to talk to me past midnight despite me being able to hear her eyelids drooping, i can confirm that she is alive and well and excitedly awaiting the role of my Beni Buddy. she also has a blog, which will soon be saturated with tales and pictures of her ventures round Europe - http://www.claireeloise.blogspot.com/ !

destitution is not my friend, but sadly, my companion. my funds have been severely depleted with frivolous purchases bought on sugar highs (blame the chocolate!). i have, however, gleefully got my hands on things i have longed for for MONTHS. thus, all the purchases are fully justifiable.

- Pixi illuminating tint & conceal in "bare glow"
-Nails inc nail varnish in "sugar icing"
- LUSH, mask of magnaminty
- New Look, two-pack bandeau bikini tops
- Maybelline sun glow bronzing drops
- GOSH velvet touch primer
- L'oreal extra volume collagen waterproof mascara
- Sanctuary, warming microbrasion polish

Pixi Illuminating Tint & Conceal

this is absolutely gorgeous. the tube is adorably teeny and comes with an "inbuilt" concealor that is in the cap of the foundation - a very clever and portably friendly idea! the tint itself is subtly, VERY subtly shimmery, (not too much for my oily skin) thus the "illuminating", which gives a nice glow to my skin. the concealor is almost a concealor stick consistency - really creamy and easily blendable. however, i prefer my MAC select cover-up so will probably be using the Pixi concealor if ive got the tube out with me and am without my select cover-up! my skin is dreadful - well not diabolical, but certainly home to many blemishes and acne scars and the tint has buildable coverage that consistently looks natural - i prefer to have a sheer a layer of tint that i can get away and apply conceal to my offending blemishes. im definiately taking this to Benicassim (two days!!) to wear in the evenings (and maybe the beach if my skin decides to curse me).

Nails Inc, "Sugar Icing"
i bought this from ASOS (along with my Pixi Illuminating Tint & Conceal and some plain black ASOS loop-tie bikini bottoms) in the beauty sale for around £5 - that half price for Nails Inc varnishes are usually a jaw dropping £10.50 (a figure that i balk at for nail varnishes!). i had recently bought Rimmel's Coralicious which i liked, but it was on the wrong side of coral for me - too orange and i wanted something pinkier. cue "sugar icing"; i adore this! i wish i had a camera to show you how pretty it is - it is a much pinkier coral that i think is more workable and less brash than Rimmel's Coralicous.

Mask of Magnaminty, LUSH
although i love LUSH's fresh facemasks (cupcake ftw!), i always forget to put them back in the fridge and leave them lying round, thus wasting half of them cause they go icky! so, i thought id give Mask of Magnaminty a go as it doesnt need to be kept in the fridge and has a lengthy shelf-life; mine expires in october! this is meant for all skin types and as described by Lush a: "deep-cleansing, minty face and back pack". it does smell yummy (cosmetic warrior made me feel ill) and minty and after using it, my face and shoulders felt scrumptiously clean and refreshed!

Maybelline Sun Glow Bronzing Drops
i spied this on Tali's blog (http://www.theglossgoss.blogspot.com/) and was intrigued, but i managed to resist until my impending holiday drew ever so close - i had to have them! Tali's suggestion of mixing it with foundation was what intially caught my eye and true to her word, it gives an overall bronzed look that leaves my skin looking glowing and healthy - and also a tad darker. this will look brilliant with a tan! i have yet to use it as a bronzer - blending into my cheeks - but suspect i shall when im in Benicassim, coupled with a sunkissed tan (i hope!) the teeniest amount goes a long way and i will definiately repurchase (which won't be for a while, i suspect!).

GOSH Velvet Touch Primer
ever since working in Superdrug (one and a half years now!), i have always siddled over to the GOSH display and pumped this on the back of my hand to get that gorgeous, soft, velvety feeling that GOSH primer provides. ive always wanted to buy this and bit the bullet the other days - it's normally £13, but GOSH being a Superdrug own brand i get a cheeky 30% discount, meaning that i got it for a reasonably lower £9.10! anyway, i applied this after my moisturiser and let it sink in for five or so minutes and then applied my foundation etc. as normal. if im honest, i didnt notice an overwhelming difference; i didnt notice eaiser application, or amazingly increased staying power. im actually really disappointed :(

L'Oreal Extra Volume Collagen Waterproof Mascara
i'm quite impressed by this. my previous experience with waterproof mascaras - limited to just Rimmel's Volume Flash Waterproof Mascara - was absolutely abismal. the Rimmel one was truly dreadful: it gave absolutely no volume, no length and barely a lick of colour and yet almost impossible to get off even thought it looked like there was nothing there! disheartened and in desperate need of a waterproof mascara (once again, Benicassim in two days!!), i thought i'd give this a go, remembering the hordes that had rushed to buy the orginal when it first appeared. this gives fantastic volume (granted, after two coats) and lengthens nicely aswell. it doesnt smudge when splashed with water and is easily removed with Simple's Cleansing Lotion.

Sanctuary Warming Microbrasion Polish
this was recommended to me by a skin expert during a visit to the Sanctuary spa recently (surprise surprise), but actually, is perfect for my skin. though i liked St. Ives, admittedly, the scrub was actually a little harsh for my sensitive skin (my skin is oily and sensitive...a trying combination) and left my face feeling sore and slightly irritated. i use this every two days, followed either by a clay-based facemask, Mask of Magnaminty or a honey facemask. it's extremley gentle yet effective, removing dry and dead skin to leave a clean and smooth face. it has also helped to reduce my acne scars slightly in just under a week, and i am certain with continued use they'll disappear even more! i also love the "warming" feeling it provides!

oh. so that's where all my money has gone!!

AND CLAIRE IS BACK TODAY YAYAYAAAYYYY! ive missed her so much - how dare my best friend leave me and go backpacking round europe for 12 days. how immensely selfish!

so much money has slipped through my fingers these last few days; its simply poured out of my purse! as soon as i get my paws on a camera, i shall take photos of my many purchases but for now you shall just have to settle for a selected few, and merely pinched photos.

(this is actually my one original photo!) this was placed in my basket by my collegue Polly (the make-up girl) after my Rimmel bronzer was down to the last crumbs. i'm not actually that keen on mabyelline make-up but this a good sturdy bronzer. the shade is a little too dark for my untanned skin (i think its the second darkest out of three), but on tanned skin gives a nice goldy/dark peachy glow. its matte rather than shimmery, which makes a nice change from my ususal cheeks and consequently gives quite a natural look. i have to be careful to brush it on very delicately, however, as it easily has the potential to transform me into one of the many "tangoed".



this is a recent discovery: the Tea Tree Water Toner from Lush. fucking amazing (excuse my french, its just inexplicably brilliant). i use this after removing my make-up with Simple cleansing lotion - i spray it on a cotton wool pad and wipe it over my face and neck to remove all traces of make-up (you'd be shocked to see how much is still left). its the perfect toner for oily, teenage skin (from which i have been cursed with) and aswell as tea tree water which soothes blemishes, it contains grapefruit water and juniperberry to refresh the skin. i cannot say enough good things about this - ive seen a marked improvement in my skin since using this (for little under a month).



and lastly, a little gift from my R! during a trip to Bluewater, when walking past the MAC counter i paused by the eyeshadows to lament over creme de violet, which i lost a few months ago due to a careless sweep of an arm. i whined a little, pined a little and sighed, which caused R to emit a grumble that resembled something like, "which one is it again?". i pointed, he picked up and swooped to the counter. HE BOUGHT IT FOR ME. he truly is the sweetest boifriend. anyway, back to the eyeshadow. this is a super-bright, super-pigmented (as with all MAC eyeshadows) lilacy purple with tiny tiny gold flecks in that give is a very subtle, barely noticible shimmer on the eyelid. its one of my favourite eyeshadows and empahsises the green in my eyes.


i apologise for the awful AWFUL photo, but it shows off my eyeshadow nicely (and R looks pretty perfect!).

ooh, i feel so loved! i was tagged by the gorgeous Suka & Spice (http://www.suka-spice.blogspot.com/) to do this questionnaire: you have to list ten honest and true things about you that others may not know. these are incredibly silly and utterly lack relevance to ANYTHING. but, here it goes...

1. my name "Balbina" means little stutterer which is particularly appropriate as i am small in stature and i used to suffer from a stutter when i was eleven.

2. i have a "thing" about cotton wool balls and styrofoam. just thinking about them make my teeth go funny and my face squirm. the thought of touching them, ESP. the cotton wool balls make me want to tuck in my limbs and curl up.

3. i have a theory that i have a seriously underdeveloped cerrebellum, which means that my feet find things to lope and trip over that aren't even there ie. THIN AIR. i desperately hoped that my boifriend would find my extraordinary clumsiness endearing, and indeed he initially did but two years later its transmuted into somewhat of an irritation.

4. my boifriend and i are both whipped; i play housewife whenever he's round - making him dinner, breakfast in bed and basically catering to his every whim. when i stay round his, the roles reverse!

5. my favourite food in the world is potatoes (and ice-cream, but not necessarily together), it must be the Pole in me...mmm, peasant food.

6. even though ive had a few lessons, i actually have no desire to learn how to drive. thought this is partially out of concern for others as my previously mentioned underdeveloped cerrebellum make me a complete hazard behind the wheel (or so i suspect).

7. previous to my boifriend, hairy chests disgusted me. now i can happily proclaim my preference for them - they are not only gorgeously manly but warm, soft and perfect to snuggle on!

8. i have so many perfect outfits in my head, that i can neither afford nor am thin enough for.

9. everynight, to send myself to sleep i create a daydream in my head (usually concerning boifriend/johnny depp and various romantic excursions).

10. im an awful vegetarian, in the sense that i hate alot of vegetables. i won't eat: tomatoes, lettuce, cabbage, celery, chives, avacadoes, mushrooms, tomatoes (had to be mentioned twice, i HATE them).

im going to tag my best friend, Claire, (http://www.claireeloise.blogspot.com/) but she is busy trailing round Europe, getting up to mischeif in Amsterdam and adventuring in Vienna! i miss her incredibly, i don't know how to fill my time! i feel so lonely - baltek is in Poland and my mama had to fly to Poland because my Babcia had a heart attack (she's better now, thankfully). this means that i'm on my own, which initially seemed exciting but now is daunting. its been a week; ray and i have spent everysingle day together and every night, but tonight is the first night alone and the prospect is uncomfortable! consequently, ive flicked on every switch and the house is ablaze with light; the televsions are on and the curtains are drawn so that the windows are shielded from prying eyes! sleep will be slipping through my fingers, i suspect.

after reading several rave reviews and recommendation of st. ives, i decided to try the st.ives blemish-fighting cream wash so see if that would help my poor skin - i had previously been using Herbalism from Lush which is alright, but awkward to use and has slowly been inching its way to the back of my cosmetic cupboard! the daily cream wash has teeny microbeads in it and is absolutely gorgeous - a godsend! it leaves me skin feeling soft and incredibly clean, and my skin in virtually flawless. i LOVE this. consequently, i have bought the blemish-fighting scrub aswell, which is equally as good.

also on a recent venture to my workplace (Superdrug - hah!) i bought a new moisturiser - its by Natural High which is a Superdrug own brand (hello 30% discount), suitable for vegetarians and vegans (a stipulation for a certain follower) as well as not being tested on animals. its the 12hr day cream, which also contains SPF 15 - CRUCIAL to prevent wrinkles! having got it for just under £2, this is absolutely brilliant. it smells like raspberries, which not only leaves your skin smelling delicious, but also wonderfully smooth and hydrated. its also perfect to mix with foundation to create a tinted moisturiser, which i have been doing this past week as the weather was scorching!

EDIT: as much as i love this moisturiser...the yummy smell, its making me break out!! so i'm going to have to hand it over to my mother and revert back to my Simple Light Moisturiser (which was brilliant anyway, i jsut fancied a change and am just susceptible to fruity scents)

today, i also used one of my gifts from R, the Strawberry Feels Forever massage bar and !!!! i used this after my bath, and warmed it in my hands till i could feel it getting slippery then directly massaged the bar all over my skin, then rubbing in with my hands. its takes about five minuted to sink in, and leaves this divine strawberry scent lingering on your skin as well as being incredibly moisturing. R couldn't stop sniffing my skin (strawberries and raspberries are his favourite scent) . this is definiately a repurchase - tho i'll have to be quick because its a limited edition!!

MAC. ahhh. just the name is comforting. even though i can often be founded pouring over the eyeshadows and yearning after the blushers, i haven't actually bought any MAC since a school trip to New York in, god, 2007! so, i finally scratched my MAC itch and indulged! since finding out that NARS SuperOrgasm is only avaliable in the US (sob!) i've been searching for a different blusher to quench my peachy-apricot colour thirst, and of COURSE MAC should've been the first place to go! i bought a blusher and also a concealor, mine having run out (it was a Collection 2000 liquid stick thing, actually excellent but lasts me a pathetic two weeks).

the blusher i bought is called "style", and is this yummy peachy (slightly SLIGHTLY pinky that i seem just inexplicably drawn to) colour that leaves a gorgeously subtle gold shimmer on my cheeks. its very pigmented and requires just a very quick sweep across the apples, and lasts all day, even in this heat! i love love love love it.


i also bought the select cover-up concealor, and the shade i was matched to was NC30. now, the NC bit is accurate, but the 30 is not! it is a tad too dark when just applied onto my skin on its own, but once i apply my foundation it blends in seamlessly. it'll be perfect for when i (hopefully) get abit of colour on my face during the stifling weeks to come. anyway, this liquid concealor is brilliant - it covers all my blemishes and acne scars perfectly and i can apply a thinner/thicker layer depending on my tempremental skin. possible HG material!

today, i am jittery with excitement! R, being the ultimate boifriend, bought me tickets to see Blur in Hyde Park WHICH IS TODAY, i can't wait.

the big one-eight. adulthood. THATS ME. sunday 21st was absolutely perfect, i spent it with R, who hastily whisked me away to an english seaside, hastings (of 1066). we did everything that one should at the seaside - skimmed stones, ate ice cream along the shore, visited the arcade! a cheeky grin from me enabled us to get a free minature golf game (my first), and I WAS AMAZING! well, almost - he only beat me by abit (ie. fourteen points). R treated me for lunch, and we snacked on mozzarella bread and other italian inclined dishes - yum yum! he makes me so unbelievable happy - other birthday treats included stuff from Lush and "Twilight" with a note scibbled inside :)

i also received the holiest grail of all handbags; a medium Chanel 2.55 classic flap gold-chain black bag!!!! its so increadibly soft and just GORGEOUS. i can't quite articulate its sheer aura. when i slip it on my shoulder, i instinctively stand abit taller and straighter and i simply FEEL like a better person (how my superficiality is seeping through). obviously, this is a handbag that can't be taken just anywhere, but instead must be saved and savoured for special occasions - for now i shall settle for just pulling it out when im feeling melancholy and it leaves a little smile dancing across my lips. sigh.

EDIT: i really need some close-ups of my bag. I NEED A CAMERA!!!